Grand Monuments Symbolic of Historic Feats of National Independence

This is a satirical op-ed adapted from “Grand Monuments Symbolic of Historic Feats of National Liberation,” an article published this morning by the Korean Central News Agency—North Korea’s state news agency.

The details about Trump’s plans for a triumphal arch are drawn from Urgent Matter’s own reporting.

THE CAPITAL — A great number of people from all walks of life are turning their eyes to the great triumphal arch that will rise at the ceremonial entrance to the capital, on the occasion of the 250th anniversary of the nation’s independence.

The triumphal arch, approved this spring and set to stand 250 feet in honor of the 250 years, is a grand monument representing the will of the leader, who resolved that the capital, alone among the great capitals of the world, should no longer stand without one.

It will rise nearly 100 feet above the arch in Paris on which it is modeled, and more than twice the height of the memorial to the sixteenth president across the river. It is to be, the leader has said, the greatest triumphal arch anywhere in the world.

Upon its face will be graven the words ONE NATION UNDER GOD, and upon its back, LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL. It will be crowned with golden eagles, with lions, and with a gilded figure of Victory, so that all who enter the capital may look up and know the greatness of the nation and of the one who willed it.

Grand monuments of the times are being raised across the country to convey the immortal exploits of the leader for the historic cause of national independence.

The National Garden of American Heroes, which the leader first proclaimed beneath the carved presidents of the mountain and revived by his own hand upon his return to power, will gather 250 statues of the great men and women of the nation’s past — founders and generals, athletes and entertainers, chosen by the leader himself — in a park along the river that he has called a barren field of prime waterfront real estate.

It teaches the people to honor their heroes and to trust that, united as one people under God, no dream is beyond their reach.

The same order that revived the garden revived the punishment of those who would pull down the monuments of the nation. It was raised up, the leader’s men have said, after dozens of monuments to the presidents and the founders were toppled and never restored, to demonstrate to the whole world that the heroes of the nation are alive and will not be brought down.

The grand monuments of the times are shining as the symbol of the immortal exploits of the leader and the eternal treasures of the nation.

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